The Disturbed Girl's Dictionary by Nonieqa Ramos

Author:Nonieqa Ramos [Ramos, Nonieqa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Goodreads: 35804751
Published: 2018-02-01T05:00:00+00:00

Feed

Verb. You are what you eat. (And yes I know feed comes before field, you obsessive motherfoe.)

I’m on the phone with Alma. I’m on hold. Alma is feeding a baby. Alma is always feeding someone or something. They got three dogs too. Feeds everyone except herself.

Alma: “I’m back. So, anyway, our latest project in Tomorrow’s Leaders is to collaborate with local artists for the multicultural fair next week. My partner and I are working on making an African shield.”

Me: “What part of Africa?”

Alma: “What do you mean, what part?”

“I mean, you go up one block in my neighborhood and the gang signs change. So how does the whole continent of Africa got one kind of shield?”

“I don’t know.” I can hear her thinking about my question. “Anyway, we’re carving them out of real wood and they’ll be on display at the Cultural Arts Center.”

“Cool. Do they work?”

“What do you mean, do they work?”

“I mean, can they really shield you against anything?” I’m picturing walking to school with my machete (See C for Clang) and a shield.

Alma: “No, Macy. They are art.”

Me: “Art sounds useless, no offense.”

“None taken. Why are you breathing like that? You sound like a prank caller.”

“I’m climbing the gutter on the side of my house.”

“You’re what? How are you talking to me if you’re scaling the side of your house?”

“I taped the phone to the side of my face.”

“Macy! What’s with you and tape? Are you crazy?”

Me: “You already know the answer to that.”

Alma: “Why are you climbing the side of your house?”

Me: “Hey! I’m waving at you. If you climbed on your roof with a pair of binoclu-binoclulars—thingamahjigs, you could probly see me!”

“Macy, you get down, right this instant!”

“You said right this instant. You are so adorable.”

“MACY.”

“Okay. Okay. In five minutes. I have a plan.” I figure I have five minutes total to get away with it. “I’m getting out my wire cutters.”

Alma to me: “Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!!!”

Me: “Because nobody bought this cable anyway. Half the block is stealing cable with this line.”

Alma to God: “WHYYYYYYY?!!!”

Me: “Because I want to see what is going to happen.”

Alma: “You can’t do this, Macy.” She says it like I’m about to give the codes to nuclear silos to North Korea.

Me: “It’s done. I only have four minutes to get the other box cut.”

Alma: “Macy, you are going to electrocute yourself!”

Me: “Probly. It wouldn’t be the first time.” (See B for Burner.)

Alma: “Blah blah blah blah blah blah.” She talks too fast for me to understand what she is getting all yelly about and also she uses very big words. I think I heard the word incorrigible. “And who is gonna cut that tape off the side of your bald head? Not me, okay—”

“Yes you will. Love you. Shhhh.”

Seriously, I now have three minutes. Even Spider Man would be stressed. I scale a telephone pole and let my wire cutters do their work.

Back on my roof, as I’m balancing on the gutter, I imagine the scene taking place on my block. People are aiming their remotes at their TVs like Dwayne Johnson pointing a M4A1 Carbine.

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